A Light From The Shadows
by lizzydhamp1901
Summary: She is remembered as one of the best Guardians of her time. He is glorified as a saint. But no man can be perfect, and even the best Guardians make deadly mistakes. The story of Vladimir and Anna is finally told.  Read in the 1/2 view.
1. The Water Brings Her

**I recommend reading this in the 1/2 view available over the place where you see the chapters. It makes it prettier. I also recommend listening to the song "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley, while you do so.**

_And with Vladimir always is Anna, the daughter of Fyodor. Their love is as chaste and pure as that of brother and sister, and many times has she defended him from Strigoi who would seek to destroy him and his holiness. Likewise, it is she who comforts him when the spirit becomes too much to bear, and Satan's darkness tries to smother him and weaken his own health and body. This too she defends against, for they have been bound together ever since he saved her life as a child. It is a sign of God's love that He has sent the blessed Vladimir a guardian such as her, one who is shadow-kissed and always knows what is in his heart and mind._

1365

**Anna.**

The world is frozen. Everywhere I turn there is ice. I shiver excitedly, though my woolen coat is warm around my body.

I am not supposed to be out here.

Behind me, the Academy looms, dark and threatening. I hurry to step out of its shadow. Nothing can spoil my mood today.

My destination soon comes into view: a pond, neither too small nor too large, surrounded by a thickness of trees. I grin, rushing forward until I am recklessly standing in the middle. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I am free as I twirl and jump on the unbreakable surface of the water, shrieking with laughter.

Before I know what is happening, I lose my balance mid-flight and come crashing down. The ice does not hold, and I fall through, icy water swirling around me, my heavy dress dragging me down.

I scream. Bubbles get out. More water gets in. There is no sound down here.

Slowly, everything becomes black.

**Vladimir.**

She is pretty, as she dances – entrancing enough to tear me away from my book. Her bright golden hair is loose around her shoulders, following her body as she spins merrily, her laughter calling the ghost of a smile into my face.

And then she vanishes. The ice has broken.

There is no time to call for help – we are too far away from the school, they would never get her out in time.

So of course I do the first thing I thought of. I begin taking off my clothes.

It is a struggle, but I finally free myself and jump in after her. My muscles begin to feel numb after less than a second, and I can only imagine her horror at being trapped in this watery darkness.

My searching fingers finally catch hold of wet cloth.

I drag her up as quickly as my legs will go, then push her gently onto the ice. I pull my body up and carry her off this accursed pond. This girl… I do not know who she is, but I must still try to save her. My ear is on her chest, but I can hear no heartbeat.

She must not die because I was not quick enough. This is what I tell myself as I desperately try to do to her what I have been practicing with the withered plants on my windowsill.

I begin to call up my happiest thoughts, and then… a cough.

Thank God.


	2. Of Damsels in Distress

1365

**Anna.**

This boy that is looming above me, he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. His hair is so yellow, it is almost white, especially as his head blocks out the sun and receives all its light.

I think he must be an angel, then discard the thought. His grin is too mischievous.

"Oh. Thank the Blessed Mother you are ok! I thought you were past saving, for a moment. Here, can you sit up? My name is Vladimir." He says, placing an arm behind my back to support me.

I cough some more before I can speak. "I am Anna."

Vladimir's blue eyes twinkle. "You are a wonderful dancer, Anna, though I must say that drowning part at the end was a tad too dramatic for my taste."

I do not need a mirror to know I am blushing. He… saw me? "Thank you for saving me."

"It was really no problem, sweet Anna, but I'd rather it didn't happen again. Don't you agree?"

I smile weakly at his teasing.

"And what a sight we must be, both of us half-frozen and dripping! Come, we must go someplace warmer." I take the hand he offers me and let him half-pull me into a standing positions. Dhampirs are supposed to be hardy, but I guess no one is when they have just been pulled out of a pond in the middle of winter.

Vladimir keeps up his chatter while we walk, and I am strangely comforted, though cold and tired. A Guardian soon spots us, and I am quickly whisked away from him, but not before he can offer me a cheerful, "I'll see you tomorrow, fair Anna."

**Vladimir.**

The next time I see her, her lips are no longer blue.

I am no doctor, but even I know enough to suppose that is a good sign.

"Fair Anna!" I exclaim as soon as I am close enough, and I am surprised to realize that I am happy, though I have been dark and brooding for days. "How do you do?"

"I am alright, now." She smiles. "I wanted to thank you again, actually, though you must not be a very bright boy. Dhampirs are supposed to rescue Moroi, you know, not the other way around."

I laugh. "Well, I _was_ reading about knights saving damsels in distress – that must have clouded my mind."

Anna giggles, and all I can think of is that I would say anything to hear that sound again.


	3. A Glimpsing of Minds

1365

**Anna.**

"Vladimir?" I begin as soon as I catch sight of my newfound friend. "I… We must talk. Come with me."

He follows without question, and for that I am thankful. I hurry down a random path until I am sure we are far away enough from other people.

He cannot hold back his curiosity for long. "What is wrong?"

"I do not know how to explain this, but I have been getting… glimpses." I hesitate.

"Glimpses?"

"Yes. Into your mind."

**Vladimir. **

She explains, and I am shocked once more at the power of God. Not only does he give me strange healing magic, but he also makes it so that when I bring someone back, we are bonded together by the experience.

It is amazing.

I am a little overwhelmed by the greatness of it all – the greatness that is _her_.

"So you will always know where I am?"

"I – I think so. I do not know. It may be that, when I have had more time, and practice, I may be able to control this." Anna is charmingly unsure, all rose-tinted cheeks and long lashes, and I smile.

"We have time." I assure her. "We have all the time in the world. If all the old stories are true… I think I would want you to be my Guardian."

"You would? Truly? Are you certain, Vladimir?" Anna demands, green eyes flashing.

"Of course I am! Who else could possibly protect me better? I only wish…" The thought trails off.

"What do you wish?" She insists, because she is Anna, and so delightfully curious.

"I think I would like to be able to know _your_ thoughts, too."


	4. The Creeping Light

1365

**Anna.**

We have been experimenting with the bond – Vladimir hides himself carefully, and I must try to find him. It is all a wonderful game of hide-and-go-seek. And it is getting easier and easier to win.

I do not tell him this, but at night, when the sun is shining and everyone is quiet, I like to slip outside and go to our pond. And then I sit on my favorite bench, and if I concentrate hard enough, I can watch him dream.

Doing that is my favorite thing in the world.

In three years, we shall be old enough to go about the world by ourselves. Vladimir is not a royal, but his father has made a large fortune selling the finest furs in Russia. He says he wants to help people from all around the world – he wants to use his gift. I am not sure that this plan is a good one, after all, he has only ever practiced his healing on plants and animals.

But then, I am not sure of most anything.

And I am horribly unsure about whether I will be a good Guardian for him. Vladimir is so tall, and remarkably strong, whereas I am only a tiny waif that barely reaches his shoulder. He always protects me, and though I am the best in my class, I cannot deny that I love the sense of security his presence brings.

I know he does not, and that he wouldn't like it if he knew, but one of us has to worry.

**Vladimir.**

The light that is Anna has slowly invaded my mind.

If I see a flower, I immediately think that Anna would like it. If someone says something amusing, I try to save it in my memory to tell her later. Grass is now 'as green as Anna's eyes.' Everything – and I do mean every single thing on the surface of the Earth – has suddenly sprouted some similarity to her.

Even my relationship with God has been affected. I love him more than ever – how can I not? He gave me my Anna.

Ah, my thoughts have fluttered back to Anna. As they always seem to do.


	5. Doubting the Center

1368

**Anna.**

I cannot believe – not for the life of me – that we are graduating today. After a few hours, people will address me as Guardian Fyodor.

I do not know whether I wish to jump for joy or let my breakfast spill all over the floor.

The nerves shall kill me. I know they shall. I got an excellent score on every test, I did my best for him, but what if I am not good enough? What if, someday, years from now, I fail and Vladimir dies?

How could my life go on after him? He's at the very center of it!

**Vladimir.**

It is done, now. I have graduated, Anna has been assigned to me, as I knew she would, and there is nothing hanging over us anymore. We can officially do as we please.

And I do mean 'we.' I think my greatest joy is making Anna smile.

Another good thing about this is that living on my own – Father has set me up in a charming manor a few hours away from him – I will have more freedom to experiment with my powers. I do not think it will be too hard to find servants with a small cut, or the occasional headache.

Though I have brought someone back to life, I have only done it once, and I will have to start with simple wounds, I believe.

I only hope I never have reason to heal Anna again.


	6. The Way Inside

1368

**Anna.**

The estate is enchanting. There are little brooks, and graceful hills give way to a little forest, and Vladimir is happier than I have ever seen him.

He was right in his suppositions. People get hurt here – quite often, in fact. He is starting to gain a small reputation as a healer, though there are mutters about him never specializing.

I have been perusing old books, lately – the mansion came with an impressive library. They talk about Moroi specializing in an odd element named Spirit, and bringing back shadow-kissed people from the world of the dead.

I suppose that makes me shadow-kissed. I cannot say I like the way that sounds.

Vladimir dismisses my findings with a wave of his hand. We have enough Guardians for me to be sure in his safety, and he tells me to stop worrying about why he has these strange powers and to accept them as a gift from God. He has grown into such a handsome man it is not hard to imagine the Lord doting on him, singling him out.

One would have to be blind not to see the way light pours out of him.

1370

**Vladimir.**

For the first time in my life, I have been trying to hide something from Anna.

These… feelings… that I have for her, they have always been here. I know this now, when I look back. But how can anyone expect a fifteen-year-old boy to know he has fallen in love?

And I do not think she feels this way. She treats me in the same manner as always, like a wonderful friend that she holds very close to her heart.

But I do not wish to be very close to her heart. I wish to worm my way inside it.

Still, being her best friend is better than frightening her off and becoming nothing but her old acquaintance.


	7. Old Books And Acquaintances

1370

**Anna.**

Vladimir has always told me he wishes he had the power to see through my eyes, just as I see through his. He says my thoughts must be so very interesting, he should be happy doing nothing but listening to them all the time.

And I am secretly glad he cannot, because what would he feel if he knew that the only thing running through my thoughts is him?

I love him too much for things to turn out well between us, and I would rather admire his greatness from afar than be unable to see it because I am a silly, ridiculous girl whose dreams are far bigger than they should be.

Love does not always bring a happy ending. I have learned that, by now.

So I will smile when he says that, secure in the knowledge that he will never know the way my heart jumps every time he does.

**Vladimir. **

My father wants me to get married.

Soon.

To the first heiress I see, to state things bluntly. He claims that he is only looking out for my best interests, that a large dowry would do wonders to increase the money I have saved, if invested well.

I do not care about money.

Anna knows about his letters – Anna knows everything – and she looks a tad uncomfortable. So I tell her to stop fretting, that no one will ever make us stop being friends, and she gives me the smallest smile.

And I know we are going to be just fine, no matter what.


	8. Like Naughty Children

1373

**Anna.**

We are taking a stroll through the woods, just him and me, having sneaked out the house like naughty children, when it happens.

The Strigoi steps into the path, calmly unconcerned. Vladimir shouts something I cannot hear. I pin him to a tree and have my stake out in a moment.

The sound of a broken twig. Circling. Stake in and out of marble chest.

Vladimir screams once more, a warning. "Anna! To your right!"

My mind is cold, assessing weaknesses and strengths and suddenly I am on the floor, and I know this is not going to be easy.

Why did I let him convince me to come out for a walk?

I pull a foot and wrestle on the ground. My dress is cumbersome, but at least the Strigoi is wearing one, too. "Vladimir, run!"

I am still struggling with the female when her long hair catches fire. The small distraction is all I need, and my arm strikes out, drawing unnatural blood.

My first two kills.

**Vladimir.**

Anna's eyes are wide, horrified, her breath coming in gasps. "I – I never –"

"I know." I soothe, folding her sobbing form into my chest. I am not comfortable around weeping females. I try to be humorous. "Hush, hush. Now, why must you cry, dearest? It was a jolly good fight, you were absolutely wonderful! Why, I'm willing to wager no one could have done better, not even one of your instructors. There, there, stop crying, woman, you look ridiculous."

A shake of her head. "I killed them!"

"Yes, darling, I saw."

"I – I truly killed two people."

"Oh." The breath leaves my lungs in a rush. "Sweetest, beloved Anna, you _do_ know they aren't people, do you not?"

"They used to be." She sniffs.

I stop and think. "Indeed, and they would be very grateful, I am sure. You saved them from murdering thousands. They will finally find peace, now."

At this, she stops with the tears. "Yes, yes, you are right, of course. I'm just being ridiculous. Come, let us go back home."

I am happy to follow.


	9. Necessary Talks

1373

**Anna.**

"Why did you not run?" I ask him when I have composed myself, sitting improperly, with my legs tucked up in the chair.

"What! Did you honestly believe I would leave you to fight them alone?" Vladimir seems more horrified than shocked. "I knew you would need my help, whether it was lighting a small fire or reviving you if you were killed."

"You might have been killed after me, and then who would have brought me back?" I argue. "You should have run when I told you to."

His voice is hard, firm. "No. I would rather die beside you than have to live with myself after you are gone."

"Oh, stop!" I spit, loud. "Don't you dare say things like that, when you do not even… you _cannot_ leave Earth in such a ridiculous fashion. You are destined for great things, you will help millions, with enough practice, and I will _not_ have you thinking of throwing all that away for me."

"I would throw _everything_ away for you!"

Those words are too dangerous. I stand up and flee from the room.

**Vladimir.**

"Of all the silly, ridiculous, spiteful things to say!" I throw my book against the wall. "That silly, ridiculous, maddening _child_!"

I am in the middle of the library she just vacated, shaking, and I place my hands over my face. I take slow, deep breaths in an effort to stop my panting.

I take a couple of large strides down the hall and pound on her door. "Anna!"

Because she can never stay angry for too long, she peeks out, with red-rimmed eyes.

"Let me in."

"No."

"Anna –" She slams her door.

"Go away, Vladimir."

"No." I sit on the floor. "I am not leaving – and neither are you – until we have talked."


	10. Quarrels Of Lightning

1373

**Anna.**

He breaks me down after four hours.

Our quarrels are always like this, flashes of lightning – heated, furious, sudden, and oh, so very passionate. There is screaming, tears, once I even threw a vase at his head. And apologies spill soon afterwards.

This is what I am thinking as I open my door and sit beside him on the cold stones.

"I am not sorry." He says, and when I begin to stand up to go back inside my bedchamber he grabs my dress and pulls me down. "No. Listen to me. I meant every word I said."

"And?"

A shrug. "And I understand that you are angry. I do."

"Do you have any idea how guilty I would feel if you threw everything away for me? You say you are willing to do it, and I believe you. But I am asking you – _begging_ you – not to do that to me. Ever. I should never have a moment's peace if you did."

He stands, and I take the hand he offers. "We'll see."

It is not the promise I was hoping for, but it is a truce, and I am tired enough to leave it be, just for a little while.

1375

**Vladimir.**

I'm not supposed to be doing this.

Anna is not here – she went to town to meet a friend, buy some dresses, talk with a woman, for a change. She should be back soon, as a matter of fact.

Which is why I have to hurry. She hates it when I practice without her there, as I usually begin to see demons or talk likee a madman, but when she is with me she will not let me test my ability on extremely needy humans.

I know I am strong enough to do this. Why is she so against it?

I grab the little blind boy's hand and lock us in my room.


	11. Broken Mirror

1375

**Anna.**

I return with at least ten packages for the servants to carry up to my room – Vladimir is a generous man, and he is constantly showering me with little gifts and gold coins.

Though the outing was delightful, I am oddly anxious as I enter the house. Something is wrong.

And that is when the cook's blind son comes running down the hall, not crashing into anything, yelling for his mother to come see him.

The present in my hands falls to the floor with a sickening thud, and I am racing up flight after flight of stairs, frantically trying to slip into his mind.

"Vladimir! Vladimir! Open the door, you fool!" I shriek. There is no response. "Vladimir, I swear to you that I will kick my way inside if I have to!"

Locks unbolting.

"Fair Anna!" His smile is as big and innocent as a child's. "No need to be so dramatic, no, no need. No need at all. Unnecessary, yes, indeed."

"You are insane."

He laughs, condescending. "We are all insane, sweet one. No one alive is in their right mind. Otherwise they'd snatch a sword and finally end this sorry excuse for an existence."

I frown. "Do not speak like that."

"It is the truth!" He closes the door, then locks it. "In fact, I will tell you a great number of truths right now, if you wish me to."

"I wish for you to sit down and stop saying nonsense." I snap.

He ignores me. "Pies are my favorite food, I can make the blind see, and I am in love with Fyodor's Anna."

My heart sinks. I have wanted to hear him say that for so long, but not like this. "Be serious, Vladimir."

"I am." He says, and his face does not belie him. "I am very serious, Anna. My Anna."

He steps forward. I step backwards. And then he does it again, and again, until my body is pressed to the wall, his chest in front of my face.

"How can you not see that I want you?" He asks, pinning me to the wall, and I am terrified, frozen, undecided between want and terror.

"Vladimir, please."

His hand makes its way around my waist. I try to push him off me, but he is so heavy, and my arms have no room to move. "You are mine. Only mine."

I try to concentrate – an almost impossible feat when he is kissing my neck like that. This is wrong. It is not supposed to happen like this, not when his mind is filled with nauseating darkness.

I try to touch it…

I lose control.

**Vladimir.**

"Anna." She shakes violently, and I move away, not wanting to crush her more than I already have. "It is alright, now. I will not hurt you. The madness is gone."

Her eyes will not meet mine – they jump all over the room.

"I am sorry, Anna. I said some things… things I shouldn't have."

No response. Then, suddenly...

"Why do you never listen to me? Why? Is it because I am a woman? Do you think I am stupid, Vladimir? I have told you again and again that you should not practice your magic on humans. I leave, and what do you do? You. Practice. On. Humans." She yells, slamming her hand on my desk.

It's inside her. Heaven help us.

"I am sorry, I did not think –"

"That is right! You never think of me, you never consider what I tell you!" She looks at me with such hate that I cannot hold her gaze for more than a moment. "I detest you."

"No, you do not." And I know I am right, so I place a hand on her arm. "Anna. You can fight against this. You are stronger than this. Please."

She drops to the floor and throws something at the mirror, shattering it. "No, no, no, no, please…"

I kneel beside her, grasping her forearms. I shake her. Her nails dig into my skin. "You can do this, Anna. You can do it for me."

With a cry, she falls into me.


	12. Heart's Desire

1375

**Anna.**

His smell of books and peppermint surrounds me, and this time it is not overwhelming, because his mind is finally clear, and I am seeing myself through his eyes.

I have never looked more beautiful.

He sits, and I am on his lap, being hugged with a fierceness that surprises us both. "Anna."

I look up – how can I not, when he says my name so reverently, like it's sacred?

He kisses me.

Everything becomes Vladimir. His lips scorch my skin, his arms encircle my waist. I drag my fingers down his back. We fall back into a horizontal position, and I am on top of him – desperate and sad and perhaps even a little broken – and I bite neck, pull hair, and moan.

"Mine." He growls.

And I am dying to believe him. So I finally give up and let myself be consumed.

**Vladimir.**

I wake with the memory of last night's events burned into me. Desire, kisses turning into creamy white skin as I rip and tear through her clothes.

Anna lies beside me, still asleep. There is no small smile on her face, as there always was whenever I imagined this. No, instead, there is a frown etched into her brow.

I understand why she is not happy. Everything was too… I do not know how to describe something so enormous. It was like the world had turned to dust around us, and if I did not have her, I would crumble along with it – but at the same time, it was so much bigger than that. More desperate.

"I am sorry, love." I whisper. "I did not wish for it to be this way."

My fingers push back the hair that has fallen on closed eyelids. It is strewn over her pillow, long and in soft waves, like distorted sunlight.

I pause, telling myself that I must never forget how beautiful she looks in this moment, lying carelessly on my bed.

Her pale eyes flutter open.


	13. Slamming Doors

1375

**Anna.**

He looks at me like I am the most delicately precious thing in the universe, unwilling to tear his eyes away. Vladimir's cool lips heat up my forehead, then my right cheek, and my nose.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world." He states with so much conviction that I cannot help but believe him. "I could eat you whole, right now."

He receives no answer, so he smiles and sets his head on my stomach.

I have never seen a happier man.

"Vladimir –"

"I love you." He interrupts. "No matter what you say. I just… I wanted you to know that. I said it yesterday, but…"

"This is wrong." A miracle. My voice does not shake.

He is horrified. "What? Why?"

"I am a dhampir – and your Guardian, which is worse. You know your father intends for you to marry a rich woman, preferably one with a title." I look down at the sheets we have rumpled. He will not see my tears this time. "You will have beautiful Moroi children with her. And I will watch you always, and I will die for you someday, and we will both forget about this."

"No. No." Vladimir repeats, voice low. "I could never forget this, even if I wanted to."

"I do not belong in your life. Not like this, at least."

"You are my life! I once thought that I could live as your friend. That was when I did not know you felt this way, too. Maybe then I would have managed. But after this… after I have learned what it is like to have you, to love you…"

"Stop. Do not say anything." I plead.

"Do you not see it, Anna?" He asks. "There is no going back after this. Not anymore."

I close my eyes and do not look at him, because I know he has just spoken the truth.

**Vladimir.**

She manages to avoid me for a week.

I did not know I could feel so… empty. Hollow. Despondent. Cheerless. I try out the words. None of them is enormously gargantuan enough to fit this.

And then I find her in the library, and she cannot run from me anymore.

"Anna."

"I will ask to be reassigned." She whispers. "And I will leave. You will never have to see me again. Suppress your memories, if you cannot erase them. You are good at that."

"I will follow you." I swear.

"You will do no such thing." Any semblance of patience is gone. "I do not want you to, and I am sure your wife will not like the idea."

"Do not say that like I am already married." I cross my arms and lean against the door. "I never will be, unless it is to you. It would not be fair."

"You have to let me go! I do not wish to stay here any longer! Do you not understand?" She asks.

I shake my head.

"I do not love you in that way." She sees me draw a breath and hurries on. "No, please listen. What happened between us was a mistake. I got carried away, I took advantage of you, and I am very sorry for that, I truly am. But I cannot pretend to love you when I do not."

I stalk forward and take her face in my hands. "Anna… you are an awful liar."

She slams the door on her way out.


	14. Dancer

1375

**Anna.**

I cannot believe I let him do this to me.

Reduced to a trapped, occasionally sobbing mess of a woman, all I can do is look out my window at the night sky – the one constant in my life. Wherever I may be, no matter how awful things are, I can always turn to my stars.

When the sounds of people moving about his mansion have quieted, I open my windows wide to the gorgeous dawn, move the furniture out of my way, and I dance with everything in me.

I will never stop dancing.

And if the world suddenly bursts into flame, or God crushes us all between his fingers, if an army of Strigoi comes and turns me into one of them, if I die, I will _never_ stop loving my Vladimir.

**Vladimir.**

Stubborn, she spends two more weeks in her room, barely eating. Finally – finally! – one day she appears at the breakfast table, and she even gives me a small smile.

I am flying, then, soaring, I am a bird and she is my endless sky.

My hand slips away to grasp hers tightly – under the table, of course. No need to scandalize the servitude.

"Are you ready to be happy, now?" She nods. "Excellent, then. Wonderful. Marvelous."

I look her over. "Perfect."

She blushes and looks down at her lap, a fifteen-year-old girl again.

I smile. "My Anna. It is so good to have you back."


	15. Forever Bump

1375

**Anna.**

He makes the next months paradise.

There is everything a woman could dream of – walks through the town, impromptu picnics deep within the woods, sweet whispered words that bring promises of eternal love and frolics in rivers.

We also spend a lot of time on his bed.

I feel like laughing, all the time. Vladimir must be happy, too, for he sometimes catches a hold of me and twirls me around whatever room we are in.

Everything I look at seems bursting with life.

Mostly – though I do not say anything about it – my slowly growing stomach.

**Vladimir.**

There is going to be a baby. Our very own baby, made entirely of our love.

I stare unabashedly at the sight before me. I think her an angel, when she is so blissfully asleep beside me – if I were a pagan, she would be my goddess.

As it is, she is second only to God, mainly because I feel such intense gratitude towards Him for giving me such happiness.

I do not think He minds that we are not married. We cannot be – Anna understands. It would be scandalous.

We have not decided how we are going to explain the baby.

It is unimportant. We will find a way.

God will show us the way.


	16. Bloody Nightgown

1376

**Anna.**

As I grow to have a slight bump in my stomach – I am hardly three months along, we believe – I am sick more and more often, and I drive Vladimir away from my room.

That is the main reason why he begins to look for new ways to practice. He does it more often than usual, now, several times a day, and I feel both the gigantic joy and darkness inside him.

I am thankful for the former. As for the latter, I inadvertently suck it into myself.

I have always been good-natured, but I have sudden flares of temper. One moment I am glowing, the next finds me weeping on the floor, or even raging at maids.

Of course I do not tell Vladimir. He must heal people, if he can - even if it makes Satan send demons to plague him, sometimes.

But, I admit to myself, I am terrified. I can feel my fingers loosening their grip on sanity.

**Vladimir.**

A hard knocking in the middle of the night.

"Vladimir! Oh, God, Vladimir! Oh, God!" Anna clutches at me as soon as I open the door, and her sobs are worse than ever, as if they will never stop.

"What is it, my darling?" I hold her at arm's length. One quick glance reveals nothing wrong.

And then my eyes fall on the blood that has darkened her nightgown. "No."

She buries her face into my chest. "My baby! Bring him back to me!"

I tentatively place a hand on her stomach. The rush of joy that comes with the magic stops my tears, but still nothing has changed, except that there is no more blood coming from between Anna's legs.

Her eyes are hard. "He is not back."

"No. I – I can't. It is impossible." Her features soften as she watches me cry, and I can see her push back her own grief as she murmurs soothing words into my ear, rocking me back and forth, taking care of me once more.


	17. Lost

1376

**Anna.**

I am lost.

This may be the madness, or the empty sense of grief that is almost radiating off of me. I do not care.

If I thought I was slipping away before, I have definitely come tumbling down now. Every breath brings more agony with it.

How am I supposed to live like this?

I close my eyes and pray for it to end, but I am not sure of God.

I am not sure of anything anymore.

**Vladimir.**

I wake to her soft crying in a corner of my room.

I cannot believe I fell asleep.

Crawling is no longer beneath me. I kiss her face. "I love you. More than you can imagine. If you need me… I am here."

A whisper, broken. "I am lost. I am so lost without him."

"I know." I hurt, too, but it has to be worse for her. She must feel so much emptier than I do. "My Anna. I would have done anything to spare you this grief."

She does not answer.


	18. Basic Instinct: Pull

1377

**Anna.**

I cannot take it any longer.

When grieving, the Arabs say, wise in their solemn ways, that the sun has gone dark in their eyes. There is no other way to describe it. I rarely see the sun, but everything that could be considered joy has been sucked from my life, along with him.

I long to follow.

Nothing is important anymore. I hear a serving woman's laughter, and the sound pierces me as a sword.

I am a dark hole, and everything that comes in falls through.

**Vladimir.**

The absence of her is what rouses me from sleep. Immediately, I am worried. I check – she is not in her chamber.

"Anna!" My screams send the entire household into action.

I am nearly overwhelmed by panic. _Anna_. Something is very wrong.

Steps stretch out before me. I fly up them, onto the roof, and something inside me is screaming, something deep and primal. A basic instinct.

A _pull_.

I resist the urge to scream again when I see her standing on the edge.


	19. Bend

1377

**Anna.**

He says my name. Calm, soft, soothing. A balm for a broken heart.

A broken everything.

It is cold, so cold, and my tears are bitterly frozen on my face. I look back at him and do my best to smile.

"It is as cold as the day I met you."

Vladimir, trembling. "Don't leave me."

"I would never leave you." I answer, calm in the certainty of death. "I just cannot do this anymore. But I will haunt you, I shall be with you – that is a promise."

"That is not enough."

"It will have to be."

"I will bring you back." He swears.

I take a moment to memorize him again – just until I am sure he is branded in me.

"Maybe you will not be able to. Maybe it can only be done once."

"Please. You will kill me, too." A hand reaches towards me. "Anna."

I sob. And my knees bend.

**Vladimir.**

I have reached the point where a man loses his scruples. God, my conscience, my morals… all are forgotten.

This is more than life and death. This is forever.

And I am desperate.

"Turn back towards me." I make my voice warm honey. "Come. Look at me."

Green eyes meet mine.

"Come to me, sweetest. Come home." She struggles for a moment, but she has never fought such strong compulsion before, and she is moving towards me before she knows it.

I have her on the floor as soon as she steps forward.

Relief, so intense it almost blinds me. I look up at the sky and fancy that I can see the face of God looking down at me, merciful and forgiving.

I look at the fragile soul I keep trapped between my fingers and think that I will lose her too soon.

Not now, not tomorrow, but it'll still be too soon.


	20. Too Much, Too Soon

1377

**Anna.**

The next day. He does not apologize for using compulsion on me. Vladimir looks at me, pain etched into him, and I know I do not have the strength to try to leave him again.

Blue eyes – the bluest I have ever seen, bluer than the sky – bore into me.

His fingers carve a path into my skin.

A kiss. Soft. Hesitating. Sweeter and sadder than anything I have known.

"Life is worth it." He says.

And for half a moment, I believe him.

**Vladimir.**

I should like to have her make her way into me, until she was nice and safe from everything outside.

I should like to chain her to me and throw away the key.

Anna is glorious before me, bathed in candlelight, hair tangled. A Princess. A Queen. A Saint.

I kiss her forehead.

"Love me forever." She whispers.

I smile. "How could I do anything else?"

We will surpass this obstacle. We can surpass anything.

Together.


	21. Believe

1380

**Anna.**

The miscarriage has bound us together, made us into a single being.

We are happy. That is what I have learned, that we _can_ enjoy life, despite the inevitable grief that comes with it.

So he continues healing, in a larger scale than before. Humans from all around the world begin to flock to him – paralyzed children, deaf women, wounded soldiers, they all adore him.

And he teaches about God, about love, and he never lets me out of his sight.

I will not let the darkness that he brings me overcome. He must never know that he is the reason why I am sometimes sadder than I have ever been. It would break him. He believes – erroneously – that what happened was an accident, nothing more.

And I have promised Vladimir never to set foot on the roof again.

**Vladimir.**

Healing others brings me a joy I had never thought I could experience, and not just because of the magic I wield. It is the sense of being useful for something, of knowing what your calling is and performing it correctly.

Anna says she is perfectly fine, tells me to stop worrying about her. But there are days when she refuses to leave her room, dark days.

The bond does not tell me this, but still I know. I know her.

But happiness prevails. I have my powers, and I have Anna. I need nothing more.


	22. Growing Old Apart

1400

**Anna.**

As Vladimir's reputation grows, it is harder and harder to find time to be alone.

But I have found a wonderful little pond, just like the one where we met, and we sit there and he smothers me with blankets and hugs, and our kisses have never been sweeter.

Every time that the madness threatens to engulf me, I hide there. I just sit and let it run its course as I stare at the almost-frozen water.

Memories, I have found, calm me.

How I wish we could be fifteen, again! Only children, careless, and so merrily naïve. I see my young love's face, dripping all over mine, and I think that this is it.

This is my one great love.

**Vladimir.**

She will not tell me what is wrong.

Every day, every _minute_ is suddenly spent locked in her room. I beg her to explain, and I receive no coherent answer.

My fifty-year-old Anna prattles. "Blue sky, blue eyes – and what a pretty bird! Yes, yes, Your Hatship, of course I will pour some tea into you. Here, have a bite of this. Is it not wondrous? Tra-la-lala. One day I'll reach the sky-y-y."

The sound turns my heart to ice.

This is not like the anger and sadness that Spirit brought her, once. This is pure, undiluted insanity.

And I do not know what to do anymore.


	23. Wonderful Thoughts

1400

**Anna.**

I flicker between insanity and anger, a candle in a strong wind, and I know that I have lost the battle. I don't know how, precisely, but it has ended, and Spirit is the victor. One day, I was brushing my hair, and I broke.

I shattered all over the walls.

My mind is shrieking at me to kill myself, to end living hell this while I still can.

It is terrifying, not being able to control myself. But, through it all, I still love him. I will not kill myself.

So I lie on the cold floor and pray for hope.

**Vladimir.**

Our doors are designed to be strong in case there is a Strigoi attack, and this means it takes my Guardians three days to break them down.

We find her on the floor, dress and hair tangled around her, eyes closed.

She would not want me to, but I place a hand on her forehead. Because I love her.

And, though it takes me a long time to conjure up wonderful thoughts, I do.


End file.
